@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also, beer. Big fan.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
