I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
