Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
