she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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