are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
