saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
