Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
