Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
