Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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