btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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