The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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