evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
