Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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