New invention idea: vibrating tampons
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
