You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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