oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I woke up under a house in Key West
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