In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just had sex bonerless
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
