She announced her abortion via fbk
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
