he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
