Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
