I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
