so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
