You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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