he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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