I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
