haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
