I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
