Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
