Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
