Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
