Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
