Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I hope mine doesn't look like that
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
