where am i from again
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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