I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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