I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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