Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That accounts for only three of the penises
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
