I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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