First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
