The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
