i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
