Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Found the puke drawer
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
