I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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