So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
