Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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