I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
