He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
