i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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