for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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