Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Hippo gnu deer
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Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
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I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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