my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
