and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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