After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
