i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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