you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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