The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
