please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
