i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
