I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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