He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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