I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
