How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
