God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
where does the pee come out of this thing
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
