she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
