For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
