His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
