im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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