Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
