If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
