You work out of a Hotel?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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