i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
