he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
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