Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
