You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
