I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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