I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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