It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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