it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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