He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
